#IssaPossibility

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, potential is defined as the latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness. In science, however, the adjective has a special meaning: Potential energy is the kind of stored energy that a boulder sitting at the top of a cliff has (the opposite of kinetic energy, which is what it has as it rolls down that cliff).--- So let's take the scientific definition and roll with it, no pun intended.

You have a man or woman, and when you meet them, they have everything you're looking for, personality, values, morals, looks, the whole package. Unfortunately, there's one thing that they're missing, ambition. Now, I understand that perhaps, we are young and still in the process of getting ourselves together, but there's just no drive, no goals, no aspirations. From the scientific standpoint of potential, your partner, has reached that point where it's time to roll down, but it can't seem to gain enough energy to roll down the cliff into their full potential. You've watched them try, and try, but they can't seem to make it to that point where things just take off.

Like most people, I try and gain knowledge and insight from those older than me, because their wisdom and life experience is incomparable, especially in the Black Community. I've had conversations with both older women and men, and their opinion on the subject varies. Long story short, the woman told me don't date a man for his potential because it may never be actualized, and the man told me do it because you could be dating a future millionaire or CEO. Chilleeeee, he tried it, but that's another post...

The biggest questions on waiting in my opinion are , how long am I supposed to wait, what point do you let them go, and how long is too long? Is there this "ahhaha" moment where you realize that it just ain't working? Like I understand 100% in staying with someone while they're down helping them become and do better, but at some point you have to realize that you can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink. I'm a big proponent for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but like patience, benefits run out. I wholeheartedly believe that we all grow in our own time, but I can't wait years for you to realize that it's time to step your game up. I remember having a conversation with a friend were she said she wanted to continue with a guy because she said she could see that he was trying to get himself together, and that she would give him six months. After 3 I asked her the progress and he was still in the same place, but yet she was still willing to stick around. In my opinion, if by the half point mark you haven't made any progress, there's no hope in sight. Honestly, truly, this is problematic. As black women I feel like it's most problematic for us. We feel like it's our responsibility to insure the success of our partners. This may come from the world's view on Black men, but at the end of the day, you didn't spend 9 months of your life carrying him , so you really don't have any vested interest in them. One exception of that would be maybe you have a child by them, but that's another post too..

Let's go back to the definition and break it down, it says "latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness." Latent means, (of a quality or state) existing but not yet developed or manifested. The definition then goes on to say that these latent qualities or abilities MAY be developed. SOOOO , that means there's no guarantee that any of these qualities or abilities will come to fruition. Let me take y'all to church right quick. When you go to the grocery store and you pick up a perishable item, what do you think to yourself..." How long will this take to go bad?" or maybe "How long do I have until I can't use it anymore." Relationships are just like that, they have a shelf life, or at least they should. If you're interested in someone who hasn't quite gotten to that place where you they or you think they should be, ask your self, " How long will it take for them to make it there". If that time isn't reasonable, don't do it to yourself. You wouldn't by a piece of fruit that looked like it was starting to mold and you sure wouldn't put it with fruit that was new or in its ripening stage, so why put your life at stake by investing time and energy is something that can potentially spread negativity or be a toxin in your life.

The best advice I could give someone who is in this position would be let them go and grow. If it's meant to be, it will.